Wanting What We Have (Shabbat Toldot)

Thanksgiving coincides with my parents’ wedding anniversary. Growing up, it was a special time for all of us. My parents would take my sister and I to downtown Chicago for a nice dinner, and we’d make a game  of weaving between all the shoppers loaded down with bags of gifts on Black Friday.

After we grew up and moved away, my sister (who still lives near my parents) and I would make a special dinner to celebrate my parent’s anniversary, and then enjoy Thanksgiving together. Holiday celebrations with our families are just one of the many losses  many of us are grappling with right now.

This week, as we reflect on the lives of our ancestors, we read about Jacob, who spends his whole life looking for what he does not have: He barters soup for Esau’s birthright, and tricks his father into giving him the blessing meant for his brother. Looking back on his life, Jacob says: “The years of my sojourn [on earth] are one hundred and thirty. Few and ra (hard or bad) have been the years of my life” (Gen 47:9). He says these words even while his whole family is together and prospering in Egypt!

Because he has spent his whole life searching for more, focused on his failures and losses, on what he does not have, imagining his tzuris will go away if only he had something else, he overlooks all he has achieved in this life, and the blessings right before him. In some way, we are all Jacob: We’ve all been touched by loss during this pandemic. This is an irrefutable fact. It might be the most important story we need to tell about our lives right now, the most fundamental fact.

But Rabbi Michael Strassfeld offers another way to tell the story of our lives. He teaches:

Jacob’s life was a difficult one. His son Joseph’s life was at least as difficult, having been sold into slavery by his own brothers. Yet, at the moment of revelation of his identity to his brothers, Joseph tells them he does not bear them a grudge because his life has been good and has led his family to safety in Egypt during the famine. In contrast to Jacob, Joseph sees that everything in his life had purpose.

The facts of our lives are true, but our perspective can make all the difference.  Are our lives filled with blessings or disappointments? So much depends on how we choose to see the story of our lives.

This week, may we pay attention to how we see the story of our lives. As we approach Thanksgiving, I invite you, if you’re willing, to cultivate gratitude. There is a tradition to try to recite 100 blessings each day — even if we don’t hit 100, perhaps we can express thanks for one blessing when we wake up, and for a different blessing before we go to bed.

In so doing, may we acknowledge the hardships we face, like Jacob; but may we also be open to finding the blessing in what we have, like Joseph.

Amen.